Last Day of school (posted 5-2-2005)

I woke up today. Some days, I dont wake up at all, but when I wake up and my mind is already at full speed, I know Im going to have one of those days. No, not necessarily bad, but a day when Im going to have a lot on my mind.

May 2nd, 1979. I remember that day quite well. It was my last day at school in Korea. I could have stayed in it until my final last day in Korea, but my parents figured that I wasnt going to learn a thing, knowing were leaving in 2 months.

The day went okay. I was bit dazed and sad because the final day is always hard.
I remember the entire day like it was yesterday. I was barely 10. I remember the green Plexiglas replacing the glass of a window I broke earlier in the year. When the teacher was out one day, we were playing baseball in the classroom and my sinker fastball didnt sink at all, going right through the glass. Every time I looked up, I had to see the world in green the rest of year.

The entire day went in a snails pace. I was moody, and I remember my best friend Soon-Jae asking me whats wrong. I answered nothing. Something I did my entire life prior to that day and after. Of all the things I felt, I never learned to express how I really feel. My bottleling of feelings started when I was quite young. Maybe thats because I felt more than most people. Maybe I just never learned to communicate. What ever the reason may be, it was my fault. Something Im trying to learn not to do as I type this

The end of day was coming. I had 15 more minutes of school in Korea. Everyone was starting to get hyper, in anticipation of the end of day. I sat quietly in my chair, when the teacher, Sohng Tae Yook called me in front of the class. My heart sank to the bottom of my feet. I knew he was calling me up to say good bye to the class. I have not told anyone that I was leaving. None of my friends knew. I didnt want them to know. I just wanted to disappear one day and not letting anyone know until Ive left.

I had my best friend of 3 years in my class. I had my secret girl friend of 2 years sitting next to my desk. As everyone quiets down, you can hear a pin drop. The teacher says to the class, we have a student leaving us today Kyung-Jin is leaving the country to go to United States. He turns to me and says It was pleasure having you in my class and I will miss you as well as everyone. Id like for you to say a line or tow and say good bye to your classmates.

I turned to the class to see my best friend running out crying. My girlfriend, Hyung Jung looks at me with a look of disbelief. She was in shock. Rest of my class was sobbing, All 40 of them packed in the little classroom like sardines. I knew I was liked by my classmates, but I was surprised to see all of them crying. They always meant a lot to me, but I didnt know what I was to them until that minute.

I look to my classmates, and I started to speak and my voice went dead. First it shook, and then it just died. I remember I tried desperately to get a grip and get my composure back. I cleared my throat and by this time, I couldnt see. I felt first of my many tears to come rolling down my cheeks. I looked to my teacher and he was glass eyed as well. I shook my head and I said in whisper, I cant do this. Then I ran after my best friend.

He was on his knees in the bathroom crying his eyes out. I had my arms around him, tearing up as well. I remember telling him, Im not leaving today, I still have 2 months here in the country. We can still do all the crazy things we were planning to do Things we planned to do.

We had some big dreams. We were going to run away from home to one of thousand deserted islands in Korea. We were going to steal some fishing gear from our dads and eat fish while we pretend to be Robinson Crusoe and Friday, and write a book about our journey. Then later in life, I was going to be a best pitcher and him, the catcher in baseball. I remember breaking every window on the block from playing with a real baseball, instead of tennis ball like most other kids.

I helped him get up, and he clinched to me, sobbing. And then he started hitting me on my chest. He was upset that I never told him. I had my arms around him as I hear the bell ring. Our entire friendship for the past 3 years, I was the soft one but for that one day, I helped him get up. I dont remember what happened the rest of the day. I do remember fading apart from our friendship the coming two months. I remember my girlfriend not wanting to do anything with me in months to come.

He never got over the fact that I never told him, and Im not sure if Im completely over leaving the country and the childhood I had in Korea.

May 2nd, 1979. exactly 26 years ago from today.